Friday, November 30, 2012

Cosmic Laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with  grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will  roll to
the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get  a
busy signal - and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one  you
were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the
telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you  know
INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a  machine
won't work, IT WILL!!!

10. Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people  whose
seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who
will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and
who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The
folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs
or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle
people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,  your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker  room,
they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly  sandwich
landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and
cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know  what
you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're  ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you  find a
product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19.. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go  to
the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better - don't make an
appointment, and you'll stay sick.

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